One of the benefits of being a funny person is that you have ample opportunity to amuse loved ones when they are a captive audience and can’t escape because they are teenagers and you are driving them to school in the morning. This is the situation my daughter and I found ourselves in today. On these rides we get to connect one-on-one. I also get to stay on track with my New Year’s resolution to drive at least 10,000 miles per year. The car has never looked better.
Lately, driving her to middle school has come with an additional challenge. For the past four months we’ve had to take a detour around a road washout caused by heavy rains. I’ve been following the local community Facebook page and was happy to see our town mayor announce that the road would be open as of today. The announcement came accompanied by a celebratory road dance that appeared to be a public service message intended to demonstrate that high knee raises with under-the-thigh hand claps are not, in reality, a cool dance move. I’m not sure why the mayor felt that he should be the one to teach us this. If good dancing were a prerequisite for leadership, I’d be the one in charge of this town.
So this morning, instead of taking the detour, I proceeded along the normal, non-detour route. My daughter was quick to inform me that I was going the wrong way and that the road was closed ahead. Little did she know.
“Did I make a mistake?” I asked, knowing full well I didn’t make a mistake. Mistakes on my part are a rare occurance.
“Yeah, the road is closed.”
“Well, we’ll just have to figure it out,” I said, cleverly keeping up the ruse.
When we arrived at what used to be the road closure, cars were passing through in lanes sectioned off for coming and going. I proceeded through our lane.
“I called ahead and had them clear the road for us,” I told her. Bullseye. Classic.
“No you didn’t,” she replied, her dry tone signaling that she understood the joke but refused to give me the satisfaction of smiling. I decided not to push it. The joke landed. A win is a win.
We continued through our sectioned lane and, having hit my joke quota for the ride, remained mostly silent. We listened to Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo. Maybe tomorrow we’ll listen to some of her favorites.
As it turns out, by the time we approached the school, I was so wrapped up in ruminating about my successful “oh-no-we’re-going-the-wrong-way” prank that I missed the turn, effectively offsetting any time we gained by taking the non-detour route. What can I say? Ruminators gonna ruminate. I used to get called out in school for daydreaming. “Wouldn’t those teachers be happy to know there would be a much better word for it in the future?” I ruminated.
Since we missed the turn and I was low on gas, we stopped at a gas station with a convenience store. She wasn’t yet in school, but that doesn’t mean she can’t learn something. So I taught her how to pump gas. She did a good job and shouldn’t rule it out as a career. I gave her $5 for candy. I think she skipped breakfast, and I didn’t want her going to school on an empty stomach.
A quick turnaround put us back on the right path to school. The drop-off was uneventful. As she got out of the car she said something like, “please God get me the hell out of here.”
I think it’s a Taylor Swift lyric.